02/05/2012

This Letter is to My Dearest Dad

How I miss your presence every minute and how different my life is without you in it. The little things that you did unknowingly, I'll remember and treasure, always, fondly.

Do you recall those taxi outings you helped organise, for all the children with various disabilities? A young boy in a wheelchair, his legs amputated due to meningitis? That beautiful little girl, her stunted growth made a mockery of by her friends at school? A brilliant day at the Yellow Crags beach, the funfair and the donkey rides as well as the cacophony of flashing colours and sounds. The smiles on every child's face was priceless, and you did that.



It's so empty and cold without you around, but I'll keep my feet firmly on the ground. I remember your every word of encouragement, no matter how good or bad was my temperament.

Those long years of being abused in childhood, the isolation of not being able to tell anyone, how could I? I didn't know it was wrong, my own deafness and speech impediment was used against me. When the truth finally came out, who was there for me, but you? Who held my hands, wrapped me up in strong comforting arms as I wailed my confusion, my anger and my lost innocence?



The memories I can recall, your laughter and tears have taken away many of my fears. You taught me all about hope, and for that, I'll somehow cope.

Reaching adulthood, was a long and lonely path. Yes I had people around me, but they didn't hold a candle to what you did for me. There's something special about you, Dad, that gave me little nudges in the right direction, even if it took a few attempts to get on the correct course, but I finally got there.


But what will I do without your guidance? I can't judge life with a mere glance. You always used to sit me down and say, "It's best to go the positive way."

So many mistakes I've made in this life since you passed away, I've tried so hard to overcome. The difficulties I've experienced and made it more enjoyable and I succeeded. Now I'm the happiest I've ever been, but it was an uphill battle to feel this way.



Since this life you had to depart, I want to let you know that deep in my heart, I will always love you, as do the rest of your family and friends too.

Writing this down has made me realise how much I still miss you, your advice and cuddles as well as your stern words to help put me back on track. You were so invaluable to those around you who have benefitted from your wisdom.


A heart-wrenchingly goodbye to the best Dad ever, I'll be proud of you forever. No-one could ask for anyone better, and I damn well say so, in this letter.


Love you always Dad and thank you for helping shape the person I am now
xxxxx

14/04/2012

Dearest Dad


Dearest Dad
How I miss your presence every minute
How different my life is without you in it
The little things that you did unknowingly
I'll remember and treasure, always fondly

But what will I do without your guidance?
I can't judge life with a glance
For you used to sat me down and say
"It's best to go the positive way"

It's so empty and cold without you around
But I'll keep my feet firmly on the ground
Remembering your every word of encouragement
No matter how good or bad was my temperament

Your laughter and tears
Have taken away my fears
You taught me all about hope
And for that, I'll somehow cope

Since this life you had to depart
Let you know that deep in my heart
I will always love you
As the rest of the family do too

Goodbye to the best Dad ever
I'll be proud of you forever
No-one could ask for anyone better
And I damn say so, in this letter

With Love, from your Precious Lass, always
xxxxx

13/04/2012

Black Queen Chess Piece, Bouquet of Flowers & a £10 note


Footsteps rhythmically tapped on the dusty wooden floor, one set, soft stepping, the other much heavier. Paper and cloth could be heard rustling, it's harsh sound, loud in the darkened space, the room was barely brightened by the light of the half moon through the several small arched windows, evenly spaced out. A thin beam of light moved around without a firm destination. Moments later, the beam of light stood still, all noises quietened, as if frozen in time. Someone hissed sharply between their teeth, breaking the solemn silence. Another, spooked at the sudden noise behind them, caused the flashlight to move haphazardly, illuminating it's surroundings in the randomness of fright.

Geez!! What you trying to do?! Give me a heart attack?” Aluna whispered in a waspish tone at her companion, her head turning to look at him. Kemi, an average height but lanky male, of deepest mocha colouring, his black tight curled hair was cropped close to his head, his left ear lobe glowed minutely from it's small white bone earring, his contrasting salmon-pink shirt and faded black denim jeans which complimented his skin, tucked into leather biker styled boots.

His deep, smoky, guttural voice replied, “No, of course not, mon amour, but I didn't expect that we would ever find THAT in this Godforsaken place! After many weeks searching across the world, looking through family heirlooms in London, Algiers, Cape Town and Quebec before we came here.” Dumbfounded, he looked around with slight suspicion, black eyes boring into the shadows and crevices around them, sweat breaking out along his high forehead.

She turned her head, sleek black hair swishing across her green silk covered shoulders, refocusing the ray of light back to it's previous location, highlighting the oval shaped container of sandy-coloured marble. It was surrounded by brittle pale straw that protected it within a small wooden crate. Murmuring to Kemi, “Well, it seems that we've finally found it!! Grandmére would be so pleased.”

Aluna's toffee coloured hand with it's French manicured tips reached out, almost reverently. And gently scooped up the music box then slowly turned towards Kemi. She lifted her eyes the soft chocolaty brown colour, gleaming in the semi-darkness. She looked at her husband and grinned, feeling rather pleased with herself. She handed her flashlight over to him, her free hand approached the top of the box, taking a deep breath. She lightly blew across it causing the dust motes flutter in the air. Her thumb pushed upwards, tenderly, under the lip of the lid, a melancholic tune escaped it's confines. She opened the lid further. Buried within the pearlescent satiny folds, lied the obsidian body of the Black Queen, the missing chess piece they had been seeking.

Reaching behind her, she pulled forward a khaki-green padded canvas backpack. Aluna unzipped the front flap and took some the bubblewrap, handing it to Kemi. He then took the music box, closed the smooth lid, securing the Black Queen within, wrapping the air-filled protection around it before handing it back to Aluna so she could placed it inside her bag.

Giving her a hard kiss, then grabbing hold of Aluna's left hand, Kemi turned towards the entrance with steely determination. His instincts clamouring to increase his speed, fear nipping at the heels of his boots as the flashlight illuminated a path across the floor. Finally they burst free through the door, gulping in the fresh balmy night air. Kemi heard soft laughter behind him, a frown etched on his face as he turned, raising a forefinger at Aluna and muttered, “Don't... please do not laugh... it's not funny!”

Oh but it is. Who would have thought that my stoic darling husband would be frightened of dark places?” She said with a teasing lilt to her voice, then seriously, she continued. “But you are right, it's not truly funny. You came this far with me, thousands of miles from home, to this dinky little place in the middle of Nowhere, Louisiana.” Aluna smiled and stepped forward, hugging her husband tightly around his waist before lifting her head and planting a firm kiss upon the corner of his full lips before whispering, “Let's go back home to rainy England, shall we?”



A few days later, Aluna and Kemi, were walking rapidly down the long, white, sterile hospital corridor, feeling nervous with excitement, each of them clutching items in their hands; Aluna had wrapped a deep purple velvet covering around the music box, tied with a black ribbon. Kemi held a freshly cut bouquet of flowers, cut from their own garden that very morning – Pale pink roses, green wisps of baby's breath, tiny buds of white carnations and sprigs of long stemmed mint, his fist almost snapping their fragile stems in two.

Approaching the nurses station, they enquired as to where Grandmére's room was and proceeded at a calmer pace, Aluna shook her head and clucked her tongue reproachfully at Kemi when she saw the flowers looking a bit unkempt and bedraggled.

A few steps before the door to the room, Kemi pulled up and tugged lightly on Aluna's arm. He gave her a smile of wondrous appreciation as he surveyed her outfit, an ivory coloured cashmere sleeveless dress, cream coloured peep-toed sandals and matching cream shoulder bag, looking stunning against the background of her dark skin. A soft pinky hue stained her cheeks as she blushed, her white teeth flashed when she smiled, looking at him in return, admiring his physique in black fitted trousers, dress shoes and a crisp white shirt that stood out starkly against the almost blackness of his flesh.

Hey, you two!! Stop faffing out there and get in here now!” commanded a strong voice from within the room. Aluna and Kemi smiled with exasperation, rolling their eyes in jest before pulling their shoulders back, straightening their faces into easy going smiles, took the remaining few steps into the room.

Good morning Grandmére, you are looking well,” said Aluna. Kemi nodded his greeting and reached across, giving Grandmére a peck on her cool, thin, papery cheek and awkwardly handed her the bouquet. Aluna openly appraised her Grandmére, looking from the top of her neat silvery-white cornrowed head, her milky chocolate coloured face framing her small beady clear dark eyes which missed nothing, button nose, firm mouth that presently had a serene smile of thanks towards Kemi, her barely-there chin resting on top of heavy bosomed chest. Wires threaded themselves from beneath her hospital gown's short sleeve, linked up to the heart monitor to her right, making steady reassuring muted beeps.

Well Grandmére, we have a gift for you. We searched the addresses you gave us and found this,” Aluna said, handing over the packaged gift and watching with interest as Grandmére tugged off the ribbon, folded it neatly then placed on her bedside table and peeled back the velvet covering. Grandmére gasped in astonishment as she recognised the pale wheaten coloured music box. She hesitantly pulled open the lid and a smile lit upon her lips as the soft music began to play. Grandmére's eyes narrowed, becoming slightly fearful as she pushed open the lid further, barely a millimetre at a time, her movement matching her heart beat that emitted from the monitor, and with a great whoosh of harsh escaped breath, she sighed shakily, spying the obsidian Black Queen nestled within. “Yes, this is the missing piece, the one my father lost 37years ago. Well done for finding it. It will rejoin the rest of the board when I leave the hospital!”
Without warning, a shrill sound blared from the heart monitor, the little black screen showing a single long green line across the middle, Grandmére dropped the music box off the side of the bed, smashing a corner as it hit the floor, the Black Queen rolled out of it's protective confines, rattling along the polished white floor. “Grandmére!!! HELP!!” cried out Aluna, panicking. Kemi reacted and slammed the red emergency button, setting off a klaxon that brought doctors and nurses running, one of which pulled along a crash cart.

Kemi took hold of Aluna's shoulders, and pulled her backwards as the doctors and nurses furiously worked on Grandmére, attempting to restart her heart. After twenty-five minutes, the lead doctor shook his head negatively, looked at Aluna and Kemi, defeat written across his face as he quietly uttered, “I'm so sorry, she's gone.”

NOOOOOO!!! She can't be!! Grandmére!!,” sobbed Aluna, clutching savagely at Kemi's shirt. “She can't be dead, tell me it's not true! Please!!!” Her body shook violently in her grief, Kemi tightened his arms around her, shock marred his face as he attempt to ease his wife's pain.

A slender looking doctor lifted up the bedsheet, covering Grandmére's ashen face while a petite nurse walked over to the dropped box, which had been kicked out of the way in the commotion. She gathered the broken corner piece, the box itself and lastly picked up the Black Queen before carrying them across the room to Kemi. He reached out a quivering hand, putting the crushed corner and the Black Queen inside the music box, it's mournful tune floated around the room, matching the disheartened mood and the brokenhearted cries from Aluna.

Back home, several hours later, while Aluna was upstairs in their bedroom, Kemi took out the pieces from within the sandy box. He laid them on the kitchen table, muting it's music under a towel as not to disturb Aluna. He then turned the box on to it's side, examining the damage with a small torch and magnifying glass. He whistled as he realised it's probable expense to repair it professionally. Flashing the small beam of light inside, he saw something rolled up along the back wall. He pushed in his pinky finger and tried to fish it out but to no avail.

He sneaked up the stairs to the bathroom, opened the mirrored cabinet and took out his wife's make-up bag where the eyebrow tweezers were found. Rushing back downstairs to the kitchen, he snatched up the box, held the torch in his mouth and used the tweezers, attempting to pull out the paper and at last, he succeeded. He placed the box on the table as he unrolled the paper, confusion overcame him as he stared at an old D series British 10 pound note which was dated 1979 and wondered at its significance at being buried so deeply within the box.

About me....

A little bit about me....


My name is Sasha Waters and I currently live in Derby with my husband and our menagerie of animals. 


I am profoundly deaf. Was born hearing but measles at 14 months old destroyed my hair cells in the cochlea. I can talk and lipread, albeit with a broad Scottish accent that was accumulated and saved in my brain's memory since I could hear when in my mother's belly as well as in the first 14months of my life as a hearing person.


I was officially diagnosed as being deaf when I was 3 years old, following a series of hearing tests. I was immediately given hearing aids to give me sound, but recognition was difficult to come by when noises were around me. 


Intensive speech therapy started when I was 5, starting primary school. My younger sister had to be my translator as I spoke in baby babble until I was about 7 and was able to start formulating clear words and sentences. A Teacher for the Deaf used to visit me daily whilst at primary school to help me ensure that I remain at the same curriculum levels as the rest of my hearing peers. High school saw me having weekly speech therapy with the Hearing Impaired Unit which has helped broaden my speech recognition sounds but it was still 'below average' of the hearing peers but I was 'above average' within my deaf peers.


English class at school was my most hated subject. I was always being pulled up to correct my grammar, sentence structure and plot layouts and yet my ideas and storylines were always enjoyed. My HIU teachers were always helpful in encouraging me to correct my English but I always slip up and mess it about. Even to this day, I still have this issue and yet, my husband Dan has been rather patient with me over the years since we got together and has helped me massively when I wrote letters, CVs and random stories, mostly in the Erotica genre.